Akala ko ba On Blog Leave ako? Pero nakapag post ako? nyahahahaha! Wala lang. Bored sa office eh. Tsaka may ipamamahagi ako sa inyo.
Naalala niyo ba si Ederlyn? Yung sa text? Yung nang-iimbita sa birthday, tapos nagalit yung nanay niya kasi napanis yung mga pagkain kasi walang pumunta sa birthday niya? Tapos nagkasangay-sangay na yung kwento, nagkagulo-gulo, dumami ang versions at eventually, nalaos. Kung hindi mo kilala si Ederlyn, wala kang friends na corny.
Pero in fernez kay Ederlyn, natatawa ako sa mga messages niya. Pero ang awkward lang kasi may friend/high school batchmate kami na ang pangalan talaga ay Ederlyn. So kapag finoforward ko sa mga high school friends ko yung Ederlyn joke, ginagawa kong Evelyn yung pangalan. Nyahahaha! Mahirap na, baka maniwala talaga sila na nagiimbita sa birthday yung friend namin na iyon. Magulat siya bigla na maraming tao sa harap ng bahay nila.
Pero sa paglaho ni Ederlyn, sumulpot naman ang bagong reyna ng mga quotable text messages...SI INDAY! At hindi lang siya ang ordinaryong kasambahay niyo, dahil sosyal si Inday. Heto ang mga magpapatunay diyan.
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"I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress."
- sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo!
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"physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to ones body. It is therefore essential that once in a while, we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had."
- sabi ni inday sa amo nya nung humingi sya ng day off...
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"drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce. vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil. lychee and peach salad with sour cream and cream cheese topped with lemon zests."
- baon ni junjun sa daycare na hinanda ni inday. sosyal!
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"attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisitio in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made initial survey of the current market prices. Note however that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand which we also monitor on an hourly basis."
- si inday nagpapaalam para mamalengke
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"Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ."
- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may bukol si Junior.
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"The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize."
- nag-explain si Inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.
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Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.
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"It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!"
- Inday, kasama si Junior sa principal's office.
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Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: (nosebleed)
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"Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!"
- si Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na maglikot.
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"Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so."
- sagot ni Inday kung bakit umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.
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"To forrestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request. Petition denied. "
- reply ni Inday nang i-text ni dodong kung pwede sya maging txtmate.
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"good sir! please, but i'm disinclined to acquiesce to your uncouth request!"
(translation: kuya, wag po!)
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"much as i want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent & malicious information, i want to lift the stigma and alleviate society's perception of our profession..."
- inday tumatangging nakikipagtsimisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay
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P500 - globe plan subscription
P1800 - glutathione
P600 - olay total effects
P1500 - crocs flip flops
P2000 - for mama
- Binubudget ni Inday ang sweldo niya
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"There are tulips in the street, there are tulips in the park, but nothing compares to our two lips meeting in the dark."
-- pamatay lines ni dudung kay inday.
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amo1: inday,ano gamit mong sabon?ang kinis mo eh...
amo2: siguro gumagamit ka ng papaya soap...
amo1: baka naman kalamansi...
inday: NO!!!
Only BELO touches my skin...what touches yours?
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NOSEBLEED!!! Step aside Ederlyn, Inday is in the house!
source: Peyups: Member's Area: Jokes of the day
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Monday, September 10, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Stop the meaning of this?!
Here is an email circulating in our office. Sumakit ang ulo ko...
We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the samealma Aba
Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.
Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?
Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."
Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.
*************************************************************
EDIT: Akalain mong mayroon Part 2 ang love story na ito? huhuhu...I can't anymore take this anymore!
PART 2
I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, "Penny for you talks." But I didn't know what to say.
Beggars can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?
Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff's ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking about it.
So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate.
When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient.
It's my favorite virtue nga e." Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join us."
When I went inside, parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird's IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.
Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.
Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.
Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it's a better pill to swallow your pride so it's forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.
Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"stinking feeling in my butt" :rotflmao:
Life is Shorts
The!
We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same
Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.
Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?
Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."
Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.
*************************************************************
EDIT: Akalain mong mayroon Part 2 ang love story na ito? huhuhu...I can't anymore take this anymore!
PART 2
I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, "Penny for you talks." But I didn't know what to say.
Beggars can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?
Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff's ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking about it.
So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate.
When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient.
It's my favorite virtue nga e." Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join us."
When I went inside, parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird's IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.
Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.
Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.
Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it's a better pill to swallow your pride so it's forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.
Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"stinking feeling in my butt" :rotflmao:
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